14 January 2018
Here you are. Your tastes are sophisticated. Your choices are unusual. Inception didn’t blow your mind back in the day. And yet, people still fail to acknowledge you’re interesting and it’s all just “Look, here’s Jake he’s a bit odd but alright kind of guy”. Here’s a simple checklist to show you’re not just a plebeian consumer, but in fact a stud of knowledge
- Being able to google on the fly. Impress people with knowing the same words they do.
- Wearing glasses. Because we still associate spectacle-wearing with smarts.
- Get a cat. Cats owners are statistically more intelligent and sensitive.
- Wearing mismatched socks. Unbelievable but it’s true! University of found out that people who wear mismatched socks are more brilliant and creative = intelligent in their day today life.
- Keep up with current affairs. It really doesn’t matter if you understand economics or politics, nobody really does. You can just start saying things like “gross domestic product changes vastly affect inflation rates” and everyone will nod along, because they don’t know either.
- Own a casio. (One for £10 looks basically like the financial version. They are both very boring so nobody will tell the difference.)
- Books! Do yourself a favour and get some thick fancy books (good binding essential) to display on your shelf. (My fancy book of choice is On the Shoulders of Hawkins by Giants.)
- If anybody start a discussion with the words “did you know that….” Or “imagine if…” with enthusiasm in the voice and light in their eyes, make sure to exclaim, “I know!” with as flat and as dismissive tone as possible. People will instantly appreciate you for being able to get on their wavelength and change the subject from a topic you *secretly* don’t know because, well, you said “I know”.
- Use purple prose all the time. Complicated language is a sign of a complex mind.
- Bow ties.
