The Big Scientific Conspiracy

I had this professor once. He taught us something to do with…integrated circuits? Or maybe microprocessors? Anyway.

He looked quite the part: older, white hair, sort of a tweed suit (practical shade of dark blue, no flamboyant waistcoat added). He talked at length about his own work trying to impress all the boys and tying to impress the girls. He wasn’t overtly creepy, but you could tell that if there was a chance, he would sleep with his own students. You know, that kind of a package.             

Anyway, he was desperately trying to be one of the fun ones (lecturers), so one day he took us all to the pub. And he…started the usual – jokes and goofs and uh moved on to… suggestions for coming over to a barbeque at his house, because it’s summer you see… I mean, you could see he was totally angling, but scrupulous like.

It’s on this trip he told us about this convention he went to – astrophysics or some big-brained moot like that, you know, something ‘up there’ in the scientific world (if you pardon the pun) and he told us about how he stood up in front of hundreds of prominent scientists and said that he knew as they all knew in the room that the Big Bang was… wrong. Is wrong. Never happened! Not real. And the idea of it is ridiculous because…well, in simplest terms that means that matter got created out of nowhere and that’s impossible and silly and everybody knows that!

And then, after the convention people came up to him congragulating him on his speech and agreeing that Big Bang is a scientific conspiracy that should be stopped, I mean, look at how many schools teach it and look at the consequences it has…of fooling so many people into Not Truth. Now, humbly, he doesn’t quite know the truth but he knows there are equasions.

See, there are four equations, just four is all you need to explain the universe. A set of four equations, three of which famous mathematicians came up with… such as, you know, that one – the simple one, and the next one – which is harder, and the third one is a bit more difficult still, and he is trying to find the fourth one to rule them all! *cough* the one to unify them all. See, they are all connected because in the fabric of measured space everything is connected, you just have to put in the work to uncover it all.

And we are close! We are so close, we are so close to uncovering it and once we do, the equation will make complete and utter sense of everything. And make everything alright. Everything.

…

The barbeque at his house never happened, by the way. And as far as I know, The Big Bang conspiracy is still at large.

image credit: https://pixabay.com/users/spooky_kid